When "Autism" Becomes the Lazy Answer to Everything
How Medical Bias Hurts Autistic & Medically Complex Kids
And why so many families walk into appointments already bracing for dismissal.
If you’ve ever been told “That’s just autism,” this is for you.
Because autism isn’t the problem.
Medical bias is.
I’m neurodivergent myself.
I’m raising a neurodivergent child.
I believe autistic kids communicate brilliantly — often in ways clinicians are not trained to understand.
Autism is not a flaw.
But the way the medical system treats autistic children often is.
The Early Days: When Symptoms Didn’t Add Up
In the beginning, I was just a mom trying to untangle symptoms that didn’t make sense together —
the pain, the breathlessness, the staring spells, the GI issues, the headaches, the “I don’t feel right” moments my son couldn’t yet explain.
Like every parent of a medically complex or neurodivergent child, I learned to:
- watch closely
- observe patterns
- trust my gut
And for a while, that was enough.
Until certain words landed in his chart.
When a Label Becomes a Shortcut
Everything shifted the moment “autism” became the default explanation.
Suddenly every concern I raised was absorbed into one easy, lazy shortcut:
“Autism.”
“Sensory.”
“Behavior.”
“Developmental.”
It didn’t matter what the actual symptom was.
If the chart labeled him as autistic — or medically complex — clinicians took the shortcut.
The diagnosis wasn’t the problem.
The bias was.
How Medical Bias Hides Real Symptoms
Here’s the pattern so many of us recognize:
- Symptoms get mislabeled as behaviors.
- Behaviors get mislabeled as choices.
- Sensory overwhelm gets mislabeled as “difficult.”
- Communication differences get mislabeled as “noncompliance.”
- Real pain gets mislabeled as “part of their condition.”
Autism didn’t hide his symptoms.
EDS/POTS/MCAS didn’t hide his symptoms.
His sensory needs didn’t hide his symptoms.
Medical bias hid his symptoms.
The Neurologist’s Comment I’ll Never Forget
After one particularly exhausting trail of appointments, a neurologist glanced at his referral notes and said:
“Oh… you went to a Chiari care hospital.
Of course they said it was Chiari.”
The hospital was Cornell — not a random clinic.
A respected institution.
A place that actually listened.
I remember thinking:
Do any of you even want to figure this out?
It wasn’t that clinicians disagreed on the diagnosis.
It was that many weren’t truly looking.
The Medical Maze Autistic & Complex Kids Get Pulled Into
Once the system believes it “knows” your child, real investigation often stops.
That’s how we ended up in a cycle where:
Constipation? Autism.
Reflux? Autism.
Breathlessness? Autism.
Headaches? Autism.
Chronic pain — the kind that steals childhood?
Autism.
And when the symptoms didn’t fit the autism box, they got tossed into the “complex kid” box instead — another shortcut.
Take the diagnosis away and what do you have?
A child in chronic pain
who deserved real care.
The Moment Everything Snapped Into Focus
Every caregiver eventually realizes the truth:
The system will not save your child.
You either speak up loudly,
or you accept quiet dismissal disguised as expertise.
For me, the breaking point came after yet another appointment where a specialist brushed off breathlessness, back spasms, and staring spells — without even a physical exam.
And I thought:
If I don’t push back, nobody will.
Not because he’s autistic.
Not because he’s complex.
But because the people in power didn’t want to look past their assumptions.
What Caregivers Need to Be Allowed to Say
You are allowed to say:
- “That symptom needs a real medical explanation.”
- “Autism doesn’t cause oxygen drops.”
- “Sensory needs don’t cause GI bleeding.”
- “Developmental delays don’t cause chronic back pain.”
- “This is not behavior. Please look again.”
- “Being medically complex doesn’t make pain ‘expected.’”
- “A diagnosis should guide care — not replace it.”
You’re not being dramatic.
You’re not misunderstanding your child.
You’re not imagining things.
You’re noticing what the system is trained to miss.
A Diagnosis Should Open Doors — Not Close Them
Labels are meant to help clinicians understand your child’s needs and communication style.
Instead, too often, they’re used as shortcuts:
- to skip tests
- to skip imaging
- to skip referrals
- to skip listening
- to skip thinking
But autistic kids deserve full medical evaluations.
Medically complex kids deserve full medical evaluations.
Not the half-version.
Not the “it’s probably behavioral” version.
Not the “this is part of autism” version.
The real version. The human version.
The one every child deserves.
Why This Matters
When clinicians assume instead of assess, autistic and medically complex kids lose years of proper care.
This isn’t “parent anxiety.”
It’s a systemic issue — with real consequences for real children.
If This Story Hits Home… You’re Not Alone
Maybe your child has been dismissed too.
Maybe you’ve been brushed off.
Maybe you’ve heard:
“It’s just sensory.”
“They’re being dramatic.”
“That’s part of autism.”
“Complex kids are like this.”
Maybe you’ve been made to feel like the problem.
You’re not.
And you’re not imagining it.
This is bigger than one child or one diagnosis.
It harms autistic kids.
It harms disabled kids.
It harms medically complex kids.
It harms neurodivergent families everywhere.
This Is Why I Built K&K Studios
This is why I create advocacy tools.
Why I built the Medically Complex Kiddo Planner.
Why I design documentation and medical pages the way I do:
Not to decorate your binder —
but to defend your child.
Because when the system stops listening:
- documentation becomes armor
- your voice becomes data
- your presence becomes the variable that changes everything
⭐ Join Me in the Trenches
If this hit you today, you’re not alone.
I write a weekly letter for caregivers raising autistic, disabled, and medically complex kids — the moments between the moments, and the truths we aren’t supposed to say out loud.
Your child feels every ounce of your advocacy — even when the room doesn’t.
You are the variable that changes everything.
Recommended Resource: Caregiver Advocacy Toolkit
